Big rant about trans/personal work issues
I like it when people tell me I’m brave, because I am. I don’t do it to achieve status or receive those kind of remarks, I do it because it’s who I am. I’m a mean motherfucker that gets shit done.
I’ve come out to my family as not straight, trans, and then back to straight again. I’ve come out to numerous friends, but the cycle doesn’t end there. I will have to come out to new friends at some point. It’s not that I have to, but it’s part of who I am, and it’s a big part of my life. Since I’m not stealth, and not really planning on doing that, I will have to come out to my employers. Even though times are changing, it will still be difficult.
I remember about two years ago, before i was on hormones, I was looking for two part time jobs. I had about a handful of interviews lined up, and at the end of each one, I told them I was transgender and in the process of changing my legal name, and gave them my prefered name and pronouns. Although I had positive responses, I didn’t get a call back from a single place that I came out as trans in the interview.
After thinking about it, I decided to keep my mouth shut about being trans until after I was hired. I had two job interviews lined up, nailed them both and didn’t utter a word about being queer. I was called back immediately for a second interview at both jobs, and got them both. I came out afterwards and had positive feedback. I quit my other job a few months in because of the stupidness of it, but I’ve been at JCP for almost two years now. I’ve actually had a little bit more trouble now that I am read 100% as male. People assume I’m gay, which there is nothing wrong with that (obviously), but it is something that I am not. I’ve had to correct two or three coworkers that I, indeed, am straight. (One didn’t believe me, so I went to a manager after she said that and was quite rude about it).
When I went through my phase of talking to men, I had a lot of guys comment that I looked too male for myself to have been born female. Isn’t that the point? And no, I will not send a picture of my doo-da to prove it. I know I’ve written about that before in the past, but it still pisses me off a lot.
I hate when other people out me. Number. One. Pet. Peeve.
I had a coworker tell one of my friends/coworker that, “I know Danny’s secret. I know about him.” And I’m like, ok number one, it’s not really a secret… it’s private information, but I’m not like OMG SHHHHHHHH MY SECRET. Number two, good for you for telling my friend that. I hope it gets you very far in life. She’s known about me about a week after I met her, you creepy fuck. She proceeded to ask my coworker about being trans, and my friend (thank Jesus she was thinking of me) was like, it’s not my place to say, you should probably ask him. By the way, this is the CREEPY GIRL AT WORK THAT KEEPS HITTING ON ME AND FOLLOWS ME LIKE A PUPPY. It was kind of funny at first, but then my friends at work were like omg she follows you everywhere.
My favorite is when we happen to meet on break when I go outside for a smoke. She’ll already be out there, and I’ll be within a friendly “hello but I don’t really want to socialize” distance. She’ll be facing my side, since I’m facing forward so I don’t have to make eye contact, and in general I give the social cues that I don’t want to talk to her. We’ll stand like that for two minutes or so, and I’ll just be like, “Mmm, yeah, uh huh.” And then she’ll ACTUALLY walk in front of me, to face me and talk some more. By then I’m usually done with my smoke and high tail it outta there like nobody’s business. I seriously cannot handle her and I’m starting to think that I have to be rude with her to shake her off. I’m genuinely try to be a nice person to everyone I meet and interact with, especially my coworkers, since I have to see them all the time… but enough is enough. She thinks we’re besties, and sorry to rain on her parade, but WE ARE NOT.
END. RANT.
That was really dumb and pointless, but it’s out there now.
Posted on May 8, 2013 at 2:15 AMLooks like my inflated ego is paying off. I tell people that my type is high maintenance women, someone I can buy things for and spoil, and that they’re just drop dead gorgeous.
So I was talking to a coworker a little younger than me, and she was telling me about how this other coworker who is not that attractive and is creepy to me with her flirting (and is just a creepy person in general) thought I was hot. She ended up telling the girl, “Danny is not interested. He like, dates models.” And I was like, wow I didn’t realize I gave off that vibe so much, but hey I like it!
So models, where you at?
Posted on April 29, 2013 at 10:39 AMSomewhat inappropriate guilty pleasure
Corrupting straight girls.
Posted on April 21, 2013 at 4:13 PM
“When you first told me about you.. I got kinda scared because a) I’d never met anyone like you, b) I wasn’t sure how to react, and c) was afraid to say something that might offend you. But then I realized… you’re no different than anyone else! :)”
Easy as 1, 2, 3.
Don’t tell people I’m trans without my permission.
Don’t tell people my sexuality without my permission - hell, I don’t even know what it is right now.
Don’t tell people about my sex life.
Just because I’m not in the gender binary doesn’t give you the right to know what’s between my legs, how I like to use it and who I like to be with.
Posted on April 7, 2013 at 4:37 AMAn Outing at the Bar! (Literally!)
A week or two ago, I went out to meet two coworkers and my roommate at a bar to hang out. One of them is a few years older than me (I’ll call her Jane) and the other is 65 years old (I’ll call her Carrie) - names replaced for identity safety. I went to go watch Carrie play darts and just have a good time with the group. Everything was super chill, and Carrie and I went out for a smoke in their outdoor smoking room area.
All of a sudden, as I’m walking into the room, I hear a guy call out my last name a few times to get my attention. I turn around and see this guy that I used to work with at a mill I worked at for a few summers before I stopped working there because I wanted to transition and it would have been frowned upon. (That’s a whole new story. Long story short, I left the mill so I could transition). I was like, oh shit what the hell do I do? So I just played nice - I mean, the guy was always nice to me, everyone was anyway, but I was just nervous as this was really my first encounter with someone after my transition that didn’t know about it. The guy doesn’t work there anymore, thank god, otherwise I probably would have pooped my pants and would have left the room asap.
Anyway, we started chatting it up with small talk. He turned to tell one of his buddies that I used to work with him and used the pronoun she. Now, I don’t look feminine by any means, and that night I was dressed quite masculine. My voice has dropped, I have facial hair, and my body type is much more square than it ever used to be. Point is: I look male.
Carrie has always been EXTREMELY supportive of me, which I find absolutely wonderful (especially since she is part of the older generations). She calls me her baby boy/grandson, which I just melt at. She’s always told me that she would beat down anyone that would give me a problem, and you know? She probably could lol. I marvel at her strength, both physical and mental. I was shocked when she told me her age. She openly asks me questions about being trans and other queer questions, which I gladly answer as best as I can.
So when this guy starts to call me she, I see her turn and give this guy the Carrie stare down… which you don’t want. I let it slide, just because I didn’t want any kind of scene or unwanted attention. It kind of weirded me out to hear myself being called she, but I knew it wasn’t said maliciously. She eventually left (she was drunk and was distracted easily), so I was left alone with this guy. More small talk ensued, and then he just looked at me and said “You look really different… but you look good.” I said thanks, wrapped things up, and then went back inside.
So I’m standing inside talking with Jane and my roommate, just chilling. And I hear Carrie talking to the guy behind me. I don’t turn around at all, so I just eavesdrop. She was like, “She is now a he. He goes by Danny and is a man. He is like my grandson and I will protect him.” She was SUPER aggressive about it, probably because of the booze, but she’s also very forward about things. I felt a little bad because she was so forward, but she got the point across and he was just like, oh ok no problem.
I did some thinking about what happened and I decided that I should maybe have a discreet and very brief discussion with her/close friends about what they should do if that situation ever comes up again. It wasn’t handled horribly, but I think it could have gone a little better. I love Carrie to death and to the moon and back, but there’s a time and place for that aggression - that wasn’t really either. Though her undying support really got me in the heart.
I would have just let it go had Carrie not said anything. It was the first time I’d seen the guy in years and it was at a bar I’d never been to before. Most of the people that know me, know that I’m trans and only talk about it when it’s appropriate to. Had the guy been a dick about it, I would have liked to handle it personally - maybe with some eyes to watch in case anything happened. Had he been aggressive about it, I would have told the bartender that there’s a guy being a dick, maybe mention it having to do with LGBT topics, but I wouldn’t out myself unless extremely needed.
I just thought it was an interesting story… and weird, since I never see the guy, and Carrie was just a die-hard “Save the Danny!” drunk.
Jane, my roommate and I were laughing about it later when I stopped freaking out about it. I told my dad, since he worked at the mill with him, and he told me he was a nice guy (which I already knew) and was harmless. My parents thought it was funny what happened. They made sure I was ok though.
Posted on March 19, 2013 at 2:31 AMMY SAVIOR AT WORK
I’ve had this creepy girl at work hit on me. (Ok, please back me up on the creepy stance. I am almost 22. She is 17 with a boyfriend and also she has been saying things like “I want to fuck him” to multiple employees at work.) So one of my chill coworkers, who is 20, picked her up the other day and creepy girl was like “I think Danny likes me.”
My savior was just like “I think he’s out of your league.”
SHE TOLD ME THIS TODAY AND I GOT WAYYYYYY MORE EXCITED THAN I SHOULD HAVE. HELLO EGO BOOST. (LIKE I NEED ONE.)
I AM OUT OF SOMEONE’S LEAGUE. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. EXCEPT NOW!!!!
I AM A HOT MOTHERFUCKER THAT PEOPLE CRUSH ON.
EAT IT, BITCHES.
Ok, I am done.
Posted on March 16, 2013 at 4:37 AMTransguy dating with men (online)
I’m not a huge fan of online dating, but I thought I’d give it a go. A little refresher: I’m still exploring my sexuality. I don’t really like black and white labels anyway, so I tell people (who I’m comfortable with), I’m straight with a dash of gay. But *shrugs*, it’s not definite. If I find a woman I like, I’ll go for it. If I find a man I like, I’ll go for it too.
I’ve been talking to a few guys online - mostly looking for friends since I could use some… and perhaps to date. I’ve found that there are two guys online. Now I say all of this as extremely generalized and from my own experiences…
1. Guys that respond as just friends/ok with my trans status/they don’t care. Hooray. (Not the gist of my post… which is following..)
2. Guys that don’t really want any kind of relationship and see me as a kind of “interesting thing.” I’ve had many guys, even though they’re respectful, say that I’m intriguing. At first I took this as a compliment, but now I find it overwhelmingly annoying. Sure, I may be the first person that they’ve encountered that is transgender, but I have heard it COUNTLESS times. Like it’s as though I’m this scientific experiment that can be poked, prodded, and also seen as a sexual object that wants to fuck all the time. (Maybe I do, but that doesn’t give you the right to assume that…. and it also doesn’t mean that I want it with YOU.)
I’ve gotten a lot of responses like, “I’ve never been with a ftm before, but it’s always been a fantasy of mine.” NOT the right way to get in my pants, if I even wanted you in there. “So you have female parts? Prove it to me.” If you want proof, wine and dine me. Sorry, I’m not easy. “I know you want to be seen as male, but will you wear panties and heels for me? It turns me on.” NOPE.
Now I’m not stating AT ALL that I want any kind of sexual encounter on my profile, but for some reason I keep getting adult messages, questions, and assumptions.
Unfortunately, I blame society’s sexualization of the transgender world. It’s glamorized by making fucking “trannys” a fetish - which even though I’m not Mtf, I’m still trans, and therefore I can/am viewed as experimenting. And hey, we all go through experimentation phases, but I’m sorry, I don’t like getting it 24/7 from all ages of the spectrum.
I don’t even know if this post was helpful or if it even made sense. It’s 2:30 AM and I didn’t edit this at all. I just kept typing as it came to me. No offense is to be made about any of the topics talked about. I’ll state again - I’m generalizing a lot here and ONLY talking about MY OWN personal experiences. Questions and challenges are always accepted.
Ta for now, lovelies.
Posted on March 15, 2013 at 3:34 AMTransitioning Alone (Relationships)
The title is not meant to be misleading. I know I have oodles of support from my family (parents, siblings, my grandma YES!, and extended family) and friends. This post is more geared toward transitioning alone without a significant other.
I was with my ex pre-T, and she was away for the summer, right after I had started hormones. After the summer, things went sour and I was transitioning without the support of a partner. I saw another transman (pre T) for a few months, but it wasn’t anything serious.
In this post I wanted to make some notes how things are transitioning alone in the relationship world. For two years I was under the impression I would have someone there to support my transition on an intimate level. Since things have changed, I no longer have that unconditional love and support. Even though I couldn’t be half the man I am today without the support of friends and family, the kind of intimate support that comes from a partner is different. Not better, just different.
I envy trans people who have a partner that have and can monitor the track of their transition. I had no one to tell me that I had my first whisker on my chin or that my voice sounded deeper than yesterday. Of course I would notice that I was had more hair on my arms or that I had a treasure trail popping up (both given time) - but *I* had to notice it - in my own little trans-Danny world, I had to notice it. No one else knew me like I did - no one was as intimate with my body as I was to notice it.
So here I am one year later since I first started taking T and I wonder how much I’ve changed physically and mentally. I’m biased on both aspects, but I can’t have any truer definition of what’s changed.
I feel almost as though time has been lost between when I started taking T until now. So most of the time I think of me as pre T and then skip all that time in between and meet myself as now. There’s Danny, who looked like a guyish girl thing and then there’s Danny now, who is only read as male. Danny that didn’t have facial hair and a deep voice and there is Danny who has both.
I just let time pass me by and let the transition process start without tracking it because no one else was.
Posted on March 11, 2013 at 2:50 AM